SHATTERED HEART
by sailor silvimoon
Summary: Dear Diary, today my heart broke into pieces...


Title: **SHATTERED HEART  
**Type: Drabble/ Short story  
Pairing: Damon Salvatore  
Category: Vampire Diaries  
Genre: Angst  
Rating: K  
Chapters: 1  
Status: Complete  
Summary: Dear Diary, today my heart broke into pieces...

**AN/** Hi everyone! Last night, I was watching the first two episodes of season 2 and this idea popped into my mind. I felt so sorry for Damon (I'm his fan) that I just had to write this. Hope you like it and leave a thought or two…  
I'm also doing another story for this fandom, those who checked my profile could see I write mostly Sailor Moon fanfics… however, this one will be Damon/Elena/Stefan story…

_Italic is Damon's entry in his diary_. Normal letters are flashbacks from the series. I actually found the script so I'm putting few scenes. Hope you don't mind.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACHERS. (although I wish Damon is mine… *grin*)

/

_Dear Diary…_

_God, I can't believe I'm actually doing this. This kind of stuff, writing a diary, is Stefan's thing, not mine. But today…today is …was…the day my heart broke…_

_I'm not writing this in case I would forget, I'm a vampire after all, we don't forget things. Ever. Unfortunately… But, how I wish I could forget this day ever happen… I don't know how, why…no scratch that… I don't know what to do now…how to pick up the pieces of my heart… yes, I think I do have a heart, maybe not so good as my brother has, but if I can feel this hurt, this pain…  
I feel so lost, angry, hopeless…and there is no one to turn to. With today actions, I'm positive I've burned all bridges… Besides, who could possibly understand what I went through, what I'm still going through… No, I can't even tell my brother, not after what I did today. I'm sure he hates me right now… And, I also can't hold it inside me, because I feel I'll explode…_

_So this is why I'm doing this. You, my notebook, are the only confidante I have…_

_To think I was so happy just couple hours ago… _

_I had finally kissed Elena, offered her my heart… doing that I felt like a teenager again, begging for her love… and when she kissed me back, I wanted to sing and dance…_

_Then, when we were in a hospital, (John Gilbert, her father, was attacked by an unknown vampire), I found that it wasn't Elena who I kissed, it was Katherine._

_In that moment, when I could only star at Elena, while my brain sorted things out, knowing that I kissed Katherine, suddenly I felt torn. Katherine was my first love, first woman I let into my heart…the woman I've been looking for over a century…and Elena… the women who physically look like Katherine, but was her exact opposite, pure and so lovely… When I'm around her, somehow, all my bitterness vanish, she makes me good. She makes me alive again! Does that mean I love Elena? That I'm finally over Katherine? I have no idea…_

… _We were at the Lockwood's mansion for the funeral, and I just had to open my big mouth… I asked why is it such a surprise that I kissed her. She looked me in a strange way and __answered. "__That's not a surprise. I'm surprised that you thought I would kiss you back."_

_I tried to cover my hurt by mocking, but the hurt was still there. How could I ever thought she would love me?... _

_I found her with Stefan, half an gour later, she was cleaning the wound after Katherine stabed him. I was trying to pick a fight with him with no sucsess._

FLASHBACK

"So what's gonna be, uh? Fight to the death? Go ahead, make your threat, stake your claim." I asked preparing for the fight.

"I'm not gonna fight you." He said calmly, surprising me.

"Why? I'd fight me."

"Katherine is gonna try to play us against each other, you do know that right?"

"Brother, don't you worry, our bound is unbreakable." I said mockingly. He knew what I was refearing at.

"We need to stay united against her. So yes, as much as I would like to kill you, I'm not gonna fight you."

"I kissed Elena." I said, trying my last card, assured he will take it, but no. He had to say something that actually made sense.

"Because you feel something for her, because you actually care and I'm not gonna let Katherine coming here and destroy that part of you that is finally, after all of this time, willing to feel something. She will try to break you, she will try to break us and how we respond to that will define us. It's our choice. So no, I'm not gonna fight you."

END OF THE FLASHBACK

_I watched him go, thinking of what he said. I swear, sometimes it feels like he is the older one. The smarter one… I returned home, and just as I was about pour my third or fourth glass of bourbon, I felt her presence. Katherine…_

FLASHBACK

"Very brave of you to come here." I said, slowly turning.

"I wanted to say goodbye." She answered, shrugging.

"Leaving so soon?" I asked mockingly, and almost laugh at her next words.

"I know when I'm not wanted."

"Don't pout; it's not attractive about a woman of your age."

"Ouch. What, no goodbyes kiss?"

I had to clench my fist so I don't say or do something I would regret. Instead I asked. "What if I kill you instead? What are you doing here?"

"Nostalgia, curiosity etc." Was her answer.

"I like better the enigmatic Katherine. What are you up to?"

"Trust me Damon, when I'm up to something you'll know it. Come on, kiss me or kill me. Which will it be Damon? We both know that you're only capable of one."

This time she tried to kiss me but I turned my head. Elena was still in my mind. Somehow she pushed me on the floor, and I remembered all those times when we were like this. I was in trouble. The past, the memories...

"My sweet, innocent Damon." Her voice interupted my thinking.

I strangled her, and flipped her underneath. Now, I was above her, kissing her passionately. I could feel her hands over my bare chest, and I shivered. I felt so many things in the same time. Happiness, longing, desire... however, there was one thing that tortued me all these years, decades, a century... With a struggle, I got up, and pinned her against the wall.

"Okay, brief pause. I have a question. Answer it, and it's back to fireworks and rockets, fire glare. Answer it right and I'll forget the last one hundred and forty five years that I spent missing you. I'll forget how much I loved you, I'll forget everything and we could start over. This could be our defining moment 'cause we have the time, it's the beauty of eternity." Gently, I touched her face and her hair. "I just need the truth, just once." I felt so vulnerable, and I hated that feeling. It felt like I gave her my heart again...

"Stop, I already know the question and it's answer. The truth is… I've never loved you, it was always Stefan." She answered, and with one last look, left the house.

END OF THE FLASHBACK

_My heart broke when Katherine said those words. All of the sudden, the past century meant nothing. I had to bite my tongue to prevent an anguish cry of my heart…tears threatened but I pushed them back. She loves Stefan, it was always him… All my love meant nothing to her. I could see it in her eyes…I was only a distraction… I think, a part of me knew all along…_

_I felt betrayed, betrayed by her, betrayed by my brother, even my father loved Stefan more, I was always second best… I watched her leave, part of my heart was leaving with her…_

_I was drunk when I got to Elena's house, trying to numb the pain. _

_Sitting there on her bed…wanted so badly for her to love me… ME… not Stefan…_

FLASHBACK

"Oh God, you scared me." She said, entering the room.

"I'm just doing my part, the neighborhood watch." I said back, looking at some spot in the floor.

"Thanks for looking out for us, for me."

"That's me, the trusted bodyguard, calm in crisis." She must've heard something in my voice, because I could hear concern in her nex words.

"You've been drinking? And you're upset, that's not a good combination."

"No I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care." I said,numb with pain.

"Come on Damon. That's a lie, you care." After that, I had to look at her, and I asked bitterly.

"You are surprise that I thought you would kiss me back? You can't imagine that I believe you would want to?" I struggled, trying my best to remain calm, but I could feel I was loosing the battle.

"Damon…"

"No, all we've been doing here means something. You are the liar Elena. There is something going on between the two of us and you know it." I was breaking... I got up, closer to her. "And you're lying to me, you're lying to Stefan, and most of all you're lying to yourself. I can prove it."

"No." She said, knowing what I'm about to do. And she was right, because, the next thing I was doing was kissing her. "Damon don't! What's wrong with you?" She asked, trying to push me away.

"Am I lying about this?" I asked, kissing her. My dark side was winning.

"Stop, you're better than this, come on!"

"That's where you're wrong." I said darkly. However, her next words pushed me over the edge.

"No, no Damon. I care about you. Listen to me, I care about you. I do, but… I love Stefan, it's always gonna be Stefan."

END OF THE FLASHBACK

_Hearing those words, the same words, for the second time in less then two hours… I don't know.. I saw red (or was it black?)… yes, she cares for me, but it is Stefan she loves. Stefan, always Stefan… once again, he won…_

_Suddenly, all I wanted is hurt her. I wanted make her pay, make Stefan pay… and when Jeremy, Elena's brother, entered the room…it was the perfect opportunity… I killed him by snapping his neck._

_Instead of making me feel better, her scream, her tears, that look in her eyes will haunt me forever…_

_My heart, the last part of what ever was good in me, now is gone…and I don't care anymore…_

_Stefan, my dear brother Stefan, arrived shortly, and I could hear them talking. ( I was under her window, hiding) _

_"__I hate him Stefan.__"__ She said to him._

_Good! I want her to hate me! I want my brother to hate me, the same way I hate him for making me like this! She was right. There is nothing good about me, not anymore. It was better not to feel… but why it still hurts?_

_When I finally got home, for the first time I felt alone, utterly alone. Tears that I kept back all these time, finally broke free, and started to flow like a torrent, impossible to stop. In my rage, I throw a glass against the fireplace. _

_I have no heart anymore... it is broken..._

_Damon Salvatore_


End file.
